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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25838086">is it the oxytocin talking or</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/totisok/pseuds/totisok'>totisok</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Vocaloid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, High school fluff, Romance, a drabble that got out of hand a bit i guess, high school mild depression, high school soul searching, slight language, um</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 04:08:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,227</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25838086</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/totisok/pseuds/totisok</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin doesn't quite understand the feelings she's looking for, but the least she can do is start.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kagamine Len/Kagamine Rin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>is it the oxytocin talking or</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>loosely based off melancholic, and also a bit of self-projection teehee.. unedited, just needed to get something out before i lost this feeling.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She was a coward.</p><p>Small, weak, quiet, and humorless. But no one really noticed or cared about those things. It was easy to be normal, to blend in, to have friends, to say yes to that karaoke session on the weekend, listen absentmindedly to the latest meaningless gossip, or text back and forth the answers to that one practice test.</p><p>Everyone was usually pretty predictable. It wasn’t that Rin didn’t <em>like</em> her friends, but there was a lingering sense of ennui in her daily routine, something that couldn’t be fixed or pinpointed down. She had supposed that that was just how life was, and the adventures really were for the shelves. As she sat at her desk pondering this, she pushed back, leaning against her chair, eyes closed, and let out a bitter laugh. As if someone as colorless as her could thrive even <em>in</em> a fantastical environment.</p><p>“What’s so funny?” Len had popped up behind her suddenly, leaning in way too close for comfort, his breath tickling her fringe.</p><p>She scooted back at least two feet; the boy never ceased to give her a heart attack, for more reasons than one.</p><p>“Oh, just thinking about how I would suck as the protagonist of some magical fantasy hero journey… story… thing,” she finished lamely.</p><p>He compensated for the distance she had created by leaning in even closer, cocking his brow slightly. “You’re weird.”</p><p>“Well, thanks,” she muttered, hoping he couldn’t smell her sweat, “as if I didn’t already know that.”</p><p>“No, I mean,” he chuckled lightly, then continued, “the point of those is that no one <em>asks</em> to be the hero. It’s usually characters who are people like you and me -- just regular people. The hero’s journey is like a test.”</p><p>“Yeah, and I’m saying I would fail that test.”</p><p>He frowned, unconvinced. “Haven’t you ever heard of an underdog story?”</p><p>She gritted her teeth, slightly annoyed. It wasn’t even that she craved adventure or whatever the hell kids were supposed to dream of -- she was just chewing on some food for thought, that was all. She was mildly unsatisfied, for no particular reason. And because she was privileged, that made her ungrateful. Which was usually around the time she shut her brain up and went on with what was supposed to be life. But if this kid wanted to keep talking, she’d entertain him.</p><p>“Sure, but I just don’t feel like I’d be up for all that,” she explained poorly, “courage, noble, saving-the-world type stuff.”</p><p>“Oh?” He placed his hand on his cheek, smirking. “I think you’d make a pretty good hero, actually.”</p><p>His smug look made her simultaneously want to deck him in the jaw and melt into a puddle. Way too often, he said seemingly nonsensical things all too effortlessly. It was infuriating for someone like her, who struggled to say the right thing to the right person at the right time, while he just let whatever shit was in his head flow out of his careless mouth. It was even more infuriating that she was probably just envious of that attitude, which had led her to -- for the past few months -- become hyper aware of all of his words and actions, never really knowing why he did the things he did. He always made the hard route look easy, and she hated him for it, and for the fact that it made her heart skip a beat whenever he did so.</p><p>“Why do you say that?” she asked cautiously.</p><p>“Just a feeling,” he shrugged, aggravating her nerves further.</p><p>“Based on what?”</p><p>“I don’t know, I’m not a scientist.” He looked a bit troubled now. There was a short-lived silence, then he said, “Well, you rewrite your essays like ten times.”</p><p>This <em>always</em> happened. “Make it make sense,” she deadpanned.</p><p>“You… don’t talk a lot,” he started slowly, “and you’re pretty awkward.”</p><p>She flinched slightly at his bluntness, but maintained eye contact.</p><p>“But you’re always thinking. You work really hard on anything you do trying to make it perfect, even if nobody cares. I can tell ‘cuz it always looks like you’re trying to take a massive shit when you do.”</p><p>She gasped and her hand instinctively flew to touch her cheek as she digested his words, looking down. Did she really look like that? She trembled lightly at the thought, unable to hide her shameful flush. Flashbacks floated through her mind, to all the nights she had stayed up going the extra mile on projects, the times she unnecessarily hyper analyzed her friends’ texts in order to give the optimum response… she felt her eyes start to water -- how fucking embarrassing, she was such a tryhard. Forcing herself to swallow her tears, she glanced back up at Len to see him wearing an amused grin.</p><p>“Haha, that’s cute.” His tone was either shy or wry -- she could never really tell.</p><p><br/>
“What is?” she bit back defensively.</p><p>He gave her one of those signature blank stares of his, then smiled again. “Nothing, stupid. I’m just saying you should have more confidence.”</p><p>It was a simple statement. Advice disguised as a compliment? Whatever it was, it was an anomaly in her routine, because it messed up her usual cool, aloof vibes. But his mere presence, his aura, was a surefire way to crumble her metaphorical building blocks of feigned composure. His stupid smile could launch her into the moon one second, his actions forcing her to crash back down the next.</p><p>As if he had casted a momentary spell with his words, she felt an unfamiliar surge of determination, and blurted out, “Did you want to walk home together today?”</p><p>He blinked, caught by surprise. “Wow, really? You’re inviting me?”</p><p>She didn’t know if it was a sense of wanting to change, to grow, to prove herself that drove her to initiate for once in her life, or if it was just her brain pumping oxytocin like there was no tomorrow, but whatever it was, it was more interesting than how she had lived thus far. It was better to be hurt than to have never taken the shot at all.</p><p>“Yup,” she said, “what do you say, Kagamine?”</p><p>He grinned once more. “Okay, but you have to buy me ice cream on the way.”</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” she waved her hand flippantly, “you should probably get to your actual seat, though.” She gestured to an irritated Gumi, who sat behind Rin in class and was tapping her foot impatiently.</p><p>Len had been squatting on Gumi’s chair, and he jumped out of it dramatically, unbothered with the black footprints he had left behind, much to the green-haired girl’s anger. He bounced over to his desk near the front of the classroom, dodging Gumi’s blows deftly. Before sitting his ass down, he threw his head over his shoulder and shot Rin a cheeky wink, exclaiming “it’s a date, then!” to the entire class.</p><p>The blonde girl didn’t hesitate to flip him off, before burying her head in her arms atop her desk, pretending to take a quick nap before the teacher arrived. She was smiling uncontrollably, heart aflutter, face red once again, no doubt -- and it was agonizing, this feeling, whatever it was. But she’d ride it out to the end, wherever it took her, for it was her very own ticket out of this melancholy.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>okay the truth is i was listening to kimipedia and REALLY reading the lyrics and. my soul was crying. so maybe i wanna make a kimipedia drabble follow up or smth.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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